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Archive for November, 2008

The Dating Game

November 30th, 2008 admin No comments

What a can of worms I have opened myself up to. Having stopped escorting in the middle of last year I thought that I was ready to go back into the “normal world” and perhaps meet a few guys for a date or two and see how things go from there. The only problem I found from tonight though is that the normal world may well not be ready for me or perhaps its me not seeing things the right way round … actually thats not right either as there is no right or wrong way to be surely?

I have mixed feelings about tonight. I actually felt totally out of my depth … I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to behave, I don’t want to lie, I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable with me but my past is a major part of me and I refuse to skirt round the truth.

You know what I found? I know it was only a first date but it is so much easier to be an escort than to be on a date! Do I give up first time round … not according to the nice guy I met tonight … there must be someone out there that is right for me but I must admit to having felt a slight pang of regret … I would have liked to have got to put a special smile on his face. He had such sad eyes and I wanted so much to put some light in them.

One day …. I will be ready for the right person and they will feel right with me but until then I am not sure if my heart can manage all that adrenalin that goes through it before I meet a person for the first time. It was really hard tonight to get through a first date and when the poor guy was only 5 minutes late, I had already resigned myself to the fact that I had been stood up and was on my way back to the motorway. See what I mean … its a hard thing to learn to trust again!

Oh well, I am now 50 … I guess I will just have to relearn how to be a date and not how to be an escort! They do say you never stop learning and tonight, I definitely understood that comment!

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