Posts Tagged ‘principles’

Sue: Is It Safe?

May 28th, 2011 admin No comments

I had a comment from EmmaA posted on Sue’s Diary earlier today.

hi me and friend are thinking of going into escorting, obviously with times being as they are money is tight.
how would we go about this, do u know any reputable companies in the north east, is it safe


Having lost count of the number of times I have heard the phrase “me and my friend”, “money is tight”, “reputable companies” and the final one “is it safe” I knew I needed to put fingers onto keyboard and have one of my rants!  I will deal with the “is it safe” one last but in relation to the others, lets look at them one by one?

Taking the “me and my friend” part.  Ok, I am 52, I know that I have years and years of experience to enable my confidence to come through yet at no time in my life have I needed to feel that I have to do the same as my friend or he/she has to do the same as me.  It brings in mind all those times in pubs and clubs and various functions and watching how many times women went to the loo in pairs – me and my friend syndrome even needs the comfort of someone in the toilet yet even there both of them would be careful not to make too much noise so that the other one would not think “she sounds loud” … yes I know I am being a bit daft here but you look around in pubs and clubs and so often women go to the toilet in pairs and yet even now, they want to go into escorting together – but why?  Because to me, they are unable to take steps on their own and need someone else to tell them that they are ok to step forward. 

Ok I am being a bit hard on this one by comparing women who want to go into escorting as friends to women who cannot go to the toilets on their own but let me put this in my own view here …. if you are unable to go to the toilet on your own and you need your friend, if you decide to become an escort and she decides she wants to too … what are you going to do when you need to go to the toilet when you are in a booking because believe me when you get in that room with a client you won’t have your friend then.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had friends over the years but never ever would I have thought of having them doing the same thing as me.  I stay individual for what I want to do in my life and not what I need support to do.  Friends to me who want to go into escorting are doing this to boost each other not because they want something for themselves as their own person.  My advice here … be your own person and let your friend make their own decision in their own way because the only person who has to care about what you do should be you and you alone.

In relation to the “money is tight” …. right …. so you believe that having your need exploited by the vast majority of agencies in this industry is what you need to do rather than something else?  Can people really be this naive and so desperate.  Come into this industry for fun yes; come into this industry because you prefer not to have a day-to-day relationship but do want physical intimacy that is within your control yes; but never ever enter this industry with a monetary need, no understanding of what is involved and certainly no awareness of what it is that makes you think this is for you yet makes you ask that question “is it safe”?

In relation to the “reputable agencies”.  I have dealt with this subject before (link is here) and there is absolutely no way I will recommend anyone.  Too many future agency owners out there have great principles in words … however after chatting to so many of these now owners in the past and having followed what they have set up, one look at at what they have done with their websites and I know immediately that they have lost the principles they thought they believed in because this industry has that wonderful influx of money that all too often warps that agency’s principles along the traditional routes only.  Having principles and pride does not make money but it does mean I can sleep well knowing that the team Marie and I work with are safe which now brings me on to this subject of … “is it safe”?

How on earth can I say yes or no to this question because it is definitely not a black and white question.  Safety comes from your own inner awareness of what is right and wrong.  Safety can be thrown out of the window by a person’s desperation for money.  Safety in this industry is all too often paid lip service to so if I had to give any person an absolute answer, I would say “no” its not safe tempered though by the fact that if they understood how to manage the agency as well as themselves then perhaps they may be ok …

Am talking in circles on this one but I feel that its important I am honest with myself here and something happened to me on my work premises that made me feel unsafe with others for a long time and whilst it should not colour my views now it still has a bearing on many of my instincts which I do feel that people who need money may often push away.

In the millenium year I was working for an accountancy company in Manchester as an Operations Manager within the financial arm of their business.  I was immensely attracted to a 28 year old chartered accountant – lets call him RD for ease of writing.  I was 41 year old and looked a lot younger than my years.  Had a lot of responsibility at this company and was one of the 7 management team (3 directors, 4 managers) so my job was hard but rewarding (financially as well as intense).   RD worked in an entirely different part of the company and our paths did not cross workwise but he often came to have a chat to me after hours (I often worked late) and I was immensely flattered by his attention.  He was gorgeous and he wanted to spend time with me … yeah!  Married woman I was and this was before I even knew about swinging let alone escorting.

RD continued talking to me … shall I say “chatting me up” and our evening conversations continued for some time.  He had a odd tendency to always be adjusting his trousers around his genitals but to be honest, most guys adjust themselves frequently so I never thought anything of it.  Towards the autumn of 2000 I had chosen to change my role into a trainer rather than a developer and had handed in my notice with an offer of work to go to a company in Bolton.  It was a not very pleasant time as the company I was with wished me to stick to my 2 months notice but the atmosphere I was working in was nasty. 

RD heard that I was leaving and he came up to my then office (I had been moved out of my office on my the ground floor and put onto a huge room on my own on the second floor just after handing in my notice on the pretext that I would need peace to do my handover notes – all 2 months of them) to have a chat around 10.30am.  I remember him asking if I was ok and then he suddenly knelt down in front of my desk causing me to look over my desk to see what had happened.  He appeared to be rubbing his ankle and said his achilles tendon was troubling him yet I had the distinct impression he had looked under the desk at me – there was not a modesty panel and I always wore skirts to work back then.  I brushed it off because I felt flattered – stupid me – and he went back to work, however at lunchtime, the office is always quiet during the 1pm to 2pm slot, I had a second visit of the day from RD.  He was concerned he said about my being on my own.

To cut a long story short, RD committed an offence on me during that time – one which has had a long term effect on the way I handle people these days.  Was I safe?  No but you know why I was not safe?  I did not have the knowledge to handle that situation the way my gut had told me to be suspicious of but my head was turned by a younger man being interested in an older woman.  Why do I use this as an example about “is it safe”?  Immaturity, lack of knowledge, agencies who need people to say yes, clients who expect a prostitute, all of these build up to the answer of “no” its not safe whilst you need money because you can and will be exploited. 

Back in 2000 when this event happened, the guy was charged with assault – it was dropped as there were only 2 people present, him and me and from the counselling sessions later I realised that what I had done was completely ignored my gut instinct of something not being safe because I was too enamoured of the guy – in the same way escorts can all too easily be swayed by the idea of money and not realise that the earning of it in this industry can unfortunately mean their “safe” feelings are submerged under their monetary need.

I hope that EmmaA who left the comment on my diary re-thinks her ideas about “me and friend” entering escorting because “money is tight” because if I have to answer her final question of “is it safe” … only if you rely on yourself to know what is right and wrong and how to handle the situation at the right time and in the right way when problems arise because unfortunately for her, most agencies pay lip service to safety.

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